š Read with Me #1: Better than Before
A book that I enjoyed recently
Title, Author: Better Than Before, Gretchen Rubin
One Liner: Better than Before provides strategies to help you stick to new habits
Sequence: This is the first of a series of 2 emails focused on this book
Other media: Watch Gretchen on YouTube. Listen to Gretchen on a Podcast
Main points with my thoughts in Italics:
The only way to create sustainable change is by changing your habits. Habits are the invisible architecture of your life.
A quote to remember: Your thoughts become your words. Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your character, and your character determines your destiny.Different people have different tendencies. The best way you to form habits is by understanding your tendency and designing systems that work for you.
Rubin identifies 4 ātendencies:ā Upholders, Questioners, Rebels and Obligers. The difference between each of these is how they respond to expectations, whether they be outer expectations (e.g. deadlines, rules, promises made to others) or inner expectations (e.g. personal resolutions, personal promises).
Upholders respond to both outer and inner expectations (meet outer; meet inner). Questioners question all expectations and will only meet an expectation if they feel itās justified (resist outer; meet inner). Obligers respond readily to outer expectations but struggle to meet inner expectations (meet outer; resist inners). Rebels resist all expectations (resist outer; resist inner). More info here. Rubin also made a lil quiz for you to figure out which tendency you have.
Rubin argues that by knowing your tendency, you can better shape how you try to adopt new habits. For example, if youāre a rebel and want to adopt a fitness habit, working out with a trainer probably isnāt going to make sense. The very fact that you have an appointment will make you want to break it. If youāre an obliger on the other hand, you need a trainer or a workout buddy because you need that external accountability.
I took the quiz and Iām an upholder. Hereās one way Iām using this information. According to Rubin, one challenge for upholders is that they struggle in situations where expectations arenāt clear or the rules arenāt established. Learning this was the final push I needed to try out a nutritionist to help me design a meal plan. Establishing healthier eating habits is a 2022 goal for me.
Iāve always struggled with my eating habits. That said, Iāve always resisted the meal plan thing. It just feels so intense. What if the plan says pasta but today Iām feeling like rice. How will I live? š©
However, armed with this information, Iām now wondering whether my previously failures have been because I didnāt have a plan . Every minute of every day is like ā¦ should I? Or shouldnāt I? If what Rubin is saying is true, not having clear rules is the absolute ghetto for me. Iāve committed to trying the meal plan-nutritionist experiment out over the next couple of months. Iāll report back to let you know what I found.Along the same theme of discovering your tendency, Rubin also suggests spending more time getting to know yourself across a series of other preferences. She sets these up as an either or because apparently one of the best wats to understand yourself is through distinction.
Are you a morning or an evening person? I switch but Iām at my most productive when Iām consistently waking up early.
Are you a marathoner (work at a slow and steady clip), a sprinter (you need that deadline heat to do your to work) or a procrastinator (you hate last minute pressure but canāt get yourself to start early.. and yet your spend all your time agonizing about the work youāre putting off š)? Proud marathoner. I *hate* working under time pressure so I always start work earlier than I need to.
Am I an underbuyer or an overbuyer? A frustrated overbuyer. Iāll find every excuse to buy new shit. From kitchen equipment to home goods. I am Amazonās best friend and Jeff Bezosā most loyal servant.
Am I a simplicity lover or an abundance lover? Simplicity ā¦ and yes that does indeed create major stress with my overbuying tendencies.
Am I a finisher or an opener? Iām ashamed to say that my life is graveyard of started but never finished projects. However, more often than not, I circle back to things Iāve started when the moment is better suited.Am I a novelty lover or a familiarity lover? I used to pride myself on being a lover of change until I realized that was a lie. Iām adaptable but I like familiarity - less likely to lead to disappointment.
Are you an abstainer or a moderator? Abstainer.
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Stay curious friends!
xo
Big mummy
PS: If you know someone whoās struggling to start a new habit, share this with them!
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